When you tell people you are planning to adopt, you get lots of questions. Some because people are genuinely interested and some because people are just plain rude or insensitive or maybe just ill-informed about adoption. Here are some of the questions and the answers we give.
1.
WHY? Why adopt? The short answer: WHY NOT? The extended answer: This desire has been in our hearts for years. It's something we did not want to ignore.
2.
Why Taiwan? Great question. Before we started our research, we came up with the criteria we thought was important in choosing the place from which we would adopt. It was criteria specific to us and our situation.
Length of time from beginning to end needed to be 12 months or less. We wanted a place where only one parent had to
travel. (We didn't want both of us to have to leave the boys) We wanted a child that was considered
healthy or with minor correctible health issues. (We didn't feel equipped to take care of 2 children with lifelong mental and/or physical needs) We also wanted to keep the
financial costs as low as possible. The
age of the child. We didn't want to upset the 'birth order'. We wanted a child less than 18months when he/she came home. All of these criteria may sound cold but we knew once we got into the actual selection process, we needed to have a plan so that emotion would not overtake us. With that criteria in mind, this is how it went.
1.
Domestic adoption: It only met the 'travel' criteria.
2.
Guatemala: Met the criteria although it was more expensive.
3.
Korea: Met ALL the criteria. We just didn't meet their criteria.
4.
Eastern Europe/Russia: Both parents have to travel for extended period of time.
5.
Africa: Met most of the criteria although the health was a serious question
6.
China: Met all the criteria
7.
Taiwan: Met all the criteria
Once we started researching agencies and countries, it became clear to us that our child was waiting for us in Asia. Taiwan's length of travel is significantly less than China. ALso, their medical care is much more westernized. The agency we chose also places the children in foster care which seemed like a plus to us.
3.
The Cost? Shame on you! You know it's rude to ask questions like that. But if you really must know, the cost of adoption is usually between $15,000-$30,000. The cost depends upon the country and agency you choose. Some adoptions can run even more. It depends if you are paying for the birth mother expenses and a private lawyer.
4.
The agency? How did you choose the agency? Lots of questions and research and references. We found an agency that was the right fit for us. It is a must. You have to have an agency that works for you and your situation. SInce everyone is different, no one agency is right for everyone.
5.
The unknown? How do you handle the unknown? Adoption is NOT for everyone. There are alot of unknowns. I would say there are alot of unknowns with biological children also. Parenting is one giant unknown. If you want all the answers before hand, don't adopt. (For that matter, don't have children, period!) We also found a support group that has been wonderful. If there are questions we have, they usually have the answer. They are a great group.
6.
The Story? What is your child's story? My reply: "That is her story to tell" We got alot of information with our referral. There's alot we don't know but can speculate on. We choose to tell our daughter and then let her decide whom she will tell. We all have stories. We get to choose who we tell. She should have that same opportunity.
Hope this answers some of your questions.
