Someone Asked One Time

Do you find that your family is a recipient of negative comments and attitudes around your community?

I have to say NO. Of course, you come across an occasional jerk who is ill-informed or just plain stupid or mean. It would happen if I had a homogeneous family, I'm sure.

The reality is I really never pay much attention to people and their reaction to my family. (I expect there is quite the reaction if I tuned in) I only am aware of my surroundings as they pertain to my family's safety. (when I'm out with 4 kids, 3 in car seats by myself, it's paramount) Sometimes someone will catch me off guard with a comment but usually that is when I'm amongst 'friends' so if someone says something, it really takes me aback. Upon occasion I make it a point to see what people's reaction is. I did this on Monday.

I had dropped Sawyer off at school, so I was a 'free woman' with only 3 kids. Judson had a doctor's appointment but we were early, so I headed to the BK Lounge (otherwise known as Burger King) for some cini-minis! As I was getting everyone situated a man came in. I have to say this man scared me. He just didn't appear quite 'right'. (Years of being single, I make snap judgments sometimes assessing the safety issue) He wouldn't make eye contact. Turner said HI about ten times and the man never made eye contact. Is the man a raciest? I wouldn't say so based on that one interaction. I doubt he would have made eye contact had any of my other kids or I said HI.

Then as I was walking out the door with Turner in my arms and holding the others' hands, a black man stopped me and asked if Turner was black. A bit confused, I said "he's from Ethiopia" He said, "Then he's black". (Whew, glad I got that cleared up) He went on to say, he and his wife had been having a discussion about how 'white folks just don't adopt black kids'. I nicely said that many white people I know were adopting children of color. (internationally and domestically) He said, "Well, I think you are doing a wonderful thing, thank you".

From my Burger King excursion, I took away positive vibes.

Got to the doctor's office. We were the only ones in the well waiting room. I positioned myself in front of the door to prevent any escape. A family came in. They become concerned that Turner has been left (he was inside the toy box and hidden away) because his family is not in the room. I laughed and said, I'm his mom. They were in shock. They looked at Ansley and then the light came on, Ah adoption. So I explained the situation. (because really, I could talk about my kids and adoption all day long) We all laughed and I had another positive experience.

Do I think it will always be that way? That would be very naive, wouldn't it? Will I get tired of explaining my family? Maybe, haven't so far. I figure when my kids get tired of being the subject of the conversation ,then I'll have to find a new topic. Will I go around trying to pick a fight with everyone that looks my way or take offense? Nah, that would be too tiring. Will I 'fight' for my family when necessary? Of course.

Like I said, I rarely pay attention to other's reactions. Let's face it, I'm usually just trying to keep my herd together. I figure it takes a bold person to come up and say something negative to me or my child. If they are going to be that bold, then I don't have a problem being that bold (read: RUDE) back to them. I also don't go in assuming that their intention was to be rude. Maybe it is, maybe not. If I don't 'bite' then they can't win, can they?

That said, one reason we like living in a metropolitan area is for the diversity. Even with the diversity, we stand out. Then again, we meld in too. It's great.

So the answer is, NO, as a whole I don't perceive negative attitudes from people I come in contact with. I realize that my kids are 'cute' right now. When they are teenagers, I might feel differently. People might not be as accepting. Heck, I might be less accepting of them then too.