From time to time, things begin to irritate me and I feel the need to hop up on my soap box and start preaching. I think I've reached that point. I am repeating myself but apparently some folks aren't getting the message. Of course, probably most of them don't read this blog, so I'm not reaching my audience. At least, I feel better and that is important.
Top 5 things people have said to me that get on my last good nerve:
1. " You don't need 3 kids. You've got too much on your plate as it is." (Or maybe it goes "You're too old to have 3 preschoolers") To those folks, I say, Don't judge me by how you would feel in my shoes. Maybe 3 kids would be too much for you but I am thoroughly enjoying myself. Sure I get tired. I got tired when I had ZERO kids. I am having the time of my life.
2. " Why adopt, when you can have children biologically" Yes, someone just asked me that this week. My answer back was 'Why not'. Could she really not see how happy we were? Could she really believe that biology is the only way to create a family? Could she really not know how many children in the world need a mommy/daddy? I was confounded.
3. " God gives special children to special parents " All I can say is we must be EXTRA special because we have 3 VERY SPECIAL children. I wonder if these folks don't think their children are special, else why would they phrase the statement that way?
4. " You must be very special people to open your home up through adoption " Nope, we are not angling for sainthood. It's not a matter of being saints, it's a matter of enjoying life to its fullest. Children are one of the best ways to do that. Those who choose to share their lives with children are the lucky ones. Along those same lines, we actually had a social worker ask: "Where'd you find that one?" (Yes, you'd think she should know better.) My answer: "We were just thumbing thru a catalog and there she was".
5. " I'd go crazy if I were a stay-at-home mom " Yep, somedays you would. Somedays you wouldn't. (Same as you do when you work in a 'real job') The salary isn't so hot but the benefits are wonderful. It sure helps when you are married to a wonderful man, such as my husband. He is a wonderful husband and an amazing father.
You know, most times I take these kids out and we are just in our own little world. I forget that others don't see us the way we see ourselves. We are just having our own little conversations and doing our own thing. (Those who know Judson know how funny these conversations can get. I could write a book on Judsonisms.) Then someone will say something and BAM, I realize that we stand out. In this homogenized world, we are different. And I'm cool with that. Most times, when I realize we are getting stares, I just smile that "Yes, you are right, I'm one lucky lady to have such an amazing family!" smile.
So to all you other lucky ladies out there:
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Come On Over
17 years ago
2 comments:
I feel your pain!!!! I hear the comment all the time about CJ....how do you do it? Well...what do you say? I love him...they don't understand how you can love something that biologically isn't yours but CJ biologically isn't mine but I love him! How do you deal with his mom? How can I not...his mother is a big part of his life...period. How could I ever try to take that away from him (he needs and knows her however few and far between the visits or talks are..he knows her and wants to spend a few minutes with her even if it's only a few times a month)A blended family is a blessing regardless of how it happens (adoption or thru marriage). I have my own philosophy in which I have to remind myself from time to time when I want to pull my hair out for the snide comments and stares....Don't sweat the small stuff---plus, if you knew what my life was like you would see why I am the way I am--haha. What is Abnormal to most is so Normal to me and I relish in the not so normal phenomina of my life.
In other words...I HEAR YA SISTA!
Jan,
I haven't checked your blog in awhile...your children are all beautiful and seem to have grown up so quickly! Just seems like yesterday when you were waiting to be a mom to three. I loved this post. Thank you for saying some of the exact things that have been on my mind at times. It is amazing to me that people don't stop and think more before they speak. I always appreciate your candor, your advice, and your level headed approach to parenting. You are an inspiration to me as a mother. I hope you had a great Mother's Day with your beautiful family!
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