Every knows raising children is tough work. I'm not complaining as it's the best job in the world. Just sharing some of:
THE GOOD
I LOVE 5! It is such a great age. I wish Judson had a twin brother. It is that great. (Anyone who remembers the first 6 months of J's life, knows I would be dead now had he been twins) He has his moments but overall, I'm loving this age. On Saturday, I took him to the mall. I was looking for some clothes for me (BTW, who over the age of 30 wears the MOD SQUAD look that is in the malls these days) I told him AFTER we looked for mom some clothes he could go bungy jumping. As we were walking through the department store, the conversation went like this:
J: "Mom, I'm feeling so misunderstood"
M: "Why's that?"
J: "I REALLY want to go bungee jump"
M: "I'm feeling misunderstood too"
J: "Why"
M: "because I REALLY want to find me some clothes"
J: "I know, I know but I really want to go bungee jumping"
M: "I know, I know"
Later on, after bungee jumping and a snack, we're in another store and I"m trying on clothes. He hasn't stopped talking since we entered the dressing room.
J: Do you wear that size?
M: Not sure, that's why I brought in several sizes.
J: Do you need to lose weight?
M: Yes, I do
J: Do you need to lose 100 pounds? Maybe you need NutriSystem
M: Maybe, but I just need to lose 20 pounds
J: I'm pretty sure if you use NutriSystem you have to lose 100, or 90 or 80 or 70 pounds or something.
M: How bout I just try to eat less and I try to lose 20 pounds on my own
J: Okay. Mom? Do you think anyone knows we're in here?
THE BADWhen you are raising your children, in your head you constantly have the debate: "Is it genetic, is it age or is it something I'm doing wrong" With Sawyer, his tantrums bring on yet another dynamic. Is it Down Syndrome? He has some really 'bad' tantrums! He sounds possessed, like something from the Exorcist. I know it's a combination for genetics (Right, Pop-pop?) and age and Down Syndrome. Then you come to "How do I handle it" because with DS, that extra wrinkle comes into play. You can't overreact because that just fuels the fire. Punishment has very limited success, if any. The thing that works the best is THE STARE. So when his head starts spinning and THE VOICE starts coming out (in public or at home), the best thing to do is give him the best Pat Summit stare you have. And that's what I do...and I'm GOOD at it.
THE UGLYSo if parenting a child is hard and you ask yourself all the afore mentioned questions, then add the 'adoption' dynamic. You lose some of the 'genetic' dynamic (At least in our case) because I have no idea about the genetics. You add the adoption dynamic because you say, is it age or is it something that she's not resolved in her past? Ansley has such an artistic side to her. It was obvious from day 1. On our first post-placement visit with the social worker (at 1 or 2 months post placement), the social worker asked if we'd noticed any 'talents' she might have. I said then, "Artistic". It was obvious from the way she touched the keys on a piano. Not the typical 18month old banging, but a gentle touch as if she was listening to and memorizing each sound. Even now, she'll take a box of 24 crayons and lay them out in order in a very neat line. Not only is the line very orderly, the colors are grouped together. Not only are the colors grouped together but they are grouped by hues, with the red-orange hues together and the red-blue hues together and so on down the line. She can spend an hour getting these just right. In some ways, this is easy. I can say to her, "I wonder if your birth mother was artistic". Lord knows she didn't get it from Randy or I. We can only give her opportunities to grow that talent. We didn't impart that talent to her.
Then you have the stubborn, controlling, angry side of her. She's been this way since day one. Easy to chalk it up to change in her world. After 18 months and it's still here, what do you say, Still adoption adjustment issues? Age? Gender? Genetics? It's frustrating. We've really hit a wall lately with potty training. I'm sick of diapers. So last week, I decided to take dire measures. I started using cloth diapers. Not just 1 but 2, then a pr of training pants, then rubber pants. Makes it impossible to get into her skinny jeans. It has helped on the pee-pee. (Not so much the poo-poo) The flip side, she is feeling she has lost control. Oh the battles we are having for control......Oh the tantrums.....They've grown into some major battles. We've tried to show her what will come from going to the bathroom as far as positives. BUT I think she only sees she has lost control. She is frustrated to say the least. So we push on. We can't give up now as we've gotten this far but it's tough, IT'S UGLY right now.